Week #5 part 3: Heather Bieber

Dear E-books,

Thanks for moving into town and ruining our profits. You got everybody investing in these new technologies allowing you to be read.

You think e stands for environment? It’s not like reading e-books saves the environment when there’s so much production involved with making kindles and nooks. Think about YOUR eco footprint!

We can say goodbye to the days when grandparents would pass their books onto their children and grandchildren. You think they’re gonna be passing down an e-book reader? Where’s the sentimentality in that?

Yeah, and e-books are destroying the learning process, not helping it. Think of the poor kids who can’t afford to read you, and don’t have access to paper books because you’re stopping the production of us all.

That means all the wealthy people will be educated and the less wealthy will stay where they are on the social hierarchy. You are ruining our economy!

Not to mention you helped put a lot of bookstores out of business. People just aren’t reading like they used to? I don’t think so!

Sure, you’re less heavy than lugging a big textbook around, but guess what? People actually learn better with printed books cause it enables them to mark things, flip through it, feel each page with their hands. You’re making us dumber!

The biggest pet peeve of ours is this — we’re not gonna have enough money to survive here pretty soon. Book sales have decreased significantly since you’ve arrived on the scene. Maybe you think that’s a good thing for you, but consider this! Without us, you wouldn’t be around! We’re your ancestors! So start respecting us and pay a little this way. Either that or expect to be evicted from the neighborhood shortly!

Sincerely,

Books

P.S. There’s no way you could ever reduplicate old book smell.